Just out of Curiosity

At the time the expression “the Sky is the Limit” was coined, have they discovered outer space then? – @EccentricRowland

Benin City

Me, spending two consecutive weekends in Benin-City can only mean one thing:
Guinness PLC will post huge profit this financial year. 🙂 @EccentricRowland

But why are we like this?

Why is our nationhood predicated on falsehood?
Why are we a nation where demographic data are always doctored, or skewed, to give fiscal advantage to certain regions?
Why are our national data, statistics, historical records, etc all fraught with half-truths and untruths?
Why is it almost a taboo, in our country, to question or investigate long-held, but doubtful, historical records? Thus, making myths to be easily passed down as historical events.
Why are we a country where national planning, budgets and distribution of resources are often done based on fictitious statistics?
Why?! Why?! Why?!
A case in point.
Official documents suggest that the Igbos are a distant 3rd largest ethnic population in Nigeria.

This is as laughable as saying that Kano is more populous than Lagos.
Few human settlements in Nigeria can boast of not having someone of Igbo extraction either selling provision, spart-parts, or an adulterated, fake or substandard product.
Besides, anyone who has done a bit of travels, within Nigeria, would attest to the fact that the most densely populated areas in Nigeria can be found in the eastern region of the country.
So, it’s rather curious and suspicious too, that the Igbos are counted the least amongst the major ethnic groups.
Even in Lagos, their numbers intimidate the Oba!
Yet, some of these questionable demographic data have persisted in our national history for so long a time.
Now, here is the painful part.
The Nigerian youth – who are supposed to be more discerning and intellectually sophisticated – swallow these diabolical statistics hook, line and sinker.
But, of course, this comes as no surprise. The youth have been gagged and blindfolded by a culture of ethnic and regional chauvinism.
And, for Christ sake – this is 2015!
How hard can it be to put an end to these outrageous manipulations of a country’s critical data?
Anyway, all hope is not lost.
There is technology to the rescue.
Yes. Technology is here to help us out of this man-made “national disaster” that we’ve brought upon ourselves.
Specifically, biometric technology.
So, we all agree that the use of biometric technology significantly minimized rigging during the last general elections, right?
Then, nothing should stop us from using the same technology to minimize the “rigging” of enumeration figures during the next census exercise.
The benefits of deploying biometric technology for an enumeration exercise are numerous. And they include:
One. Double or multiple entries can be spotted and eliminated.
Two. “Ghost citizens” can be eliminated.
Three. Of course, this technology does not accept entries of cows, goats and fowls.
Four. It’s a way around extreme cultures and religions that insist that some of its practitioners must not be seen, but counted by proxy, or in absentia.
It’s high time we dispelled some of these long-promoted “national lies”.
It’s high time we found out how many we truly are in Nigeria, and how the population is accurately distributed.
It’s high time resources are distributed equitably.
It’s high time that there is a fair representation of every region at the National Assembly.
However, one thing you can be sure of is this; the northern oligarchy – using the northern legislators – will vigorously oppose this idea.
Chief Festus Odimegwu, during his brief stint as the Chairman of the National Population Commission (NPC), squealed that there had been no credible census in Nigeria, even before independence.
According to him, “No census has been credible in Nigeria since 1863. Even the one conducted in 2006 is not credible. I have the records and evidence produced by scholars and professors of repute. This is not my report. If the current laws are not amended, the planned 2016 census will not succeed.”
This long over-due revelation would turn out to be his greatest undoing.
The Northern establishment exploded in righteous indignation, and called for his head on the guillotine.
Governor Rabiu Kwankwaso, the governor of the biggest beneficiary of Nigeria’s enumeration fraud, Kano, called him “a drunkard”.
Not long after, and due to pressure from the north, Odimegwu was relieved of his appointment for daring to expose the nation’s best kept secret.
Now, let’s, for a moment, analyze this whole contentious issue of Kano being more populous than Lagos.
Here is what science has to say about population distribution.
In science, it has been proven from demographic distribution patterns across the globe that population increases as we move from the hinterland (desert/Savannah region) to the coastal region.
Curiously, Nigeria is an exception to this scientific theory.
Instead, in Nigeria – the North, which lies in the arid zone, is more populous than the coastal South.
This is the extent to which they have brazenly manipulated all our census reports.
Now, let’s cast our minds back to the last national census exercise in 2006.
Perhaps, if you never had respect for the Yoruba leaders, the events surrounding the 2006 Census exercise is one reason why you should.
Prior to the national enumeration exercise, the sagacious Yoruba leaders – specifically Afenifere and the then Lagos State government – perfectly understood the plot. Nobody, group or institution was going to upstage them by counting the Yoruba race fewer than they are – or how many they wanted to be perceived as.
So, while the Federal Government was planning the nationwide census exercise, the Lagos state government was also planning a parallel census exercise for Lagos state.
Please, be reminded here of one thing: the Nigerian constitution doesn’t permit States to conduct an enumeration exercise. Notwithstanding, this didn’t stop the Lagos state government from conducting one.
At the end of the day, the Federal. Government-coordinated census figure for Lagos stood at 9 million – while Kano was 9.4 million. Thus, officially making Kano state the most populous state in Nigeria.
No Eastern state ranked amongst the first 10 states. Almost effectively reducing the Igbos to a minority ethnic group.
The 2006 national census had other interesting discrepancies extrapolated from its final report.
A classic example.
From the final census report of 2006, it was established that; had the old Sokoto state remained the way it was, before it was split up to become Sokoto, Zamfara and Kebbi, it would have been declared the most populous state in Nigeria, with a combined population of 11million.
This is why this is noteworthy: the old Sokoto state is a savannah/desert location!
Anyway, the drama of the Census of 2006 didn’t stop there. There are more.
The Lagos state-organized census was shabbily conducted and due to the declared holiday for that period, a lot of Igbos residing in Lagos traveled home (very typical) during the exercise. Regardless, the Lagos state government – magically – arrived at a whooping population figure of 17 million for Lagos; a figure that almost doubled the one propounded by the NPC.
And now, guess what?
While all these inter-regional intrigues played out, the Igbo leaders – notably, Ohaneze N’di Igbo – were sleeping.
And then, of course, there was the legendary apathy of the Igbos to national exercises.
Perhaps, this is why some of us consider some of those agitators on social media screaming “Biafra!” as enormously misguided (a topic for another day).
Sorry. I digressed.
Still on the need for a biometric-based census in 2016, it is on record that the current management of the National Population Commission (NPC) – headed by Mr Eze Duruiheoma, had approached President Buhari on the need to use biometrics for the next census exercise.
President Buhari is not sold on the idea.

The high cost of the project was his excuse.

According to him, if the NPC needed the biometrics of Nigerians, they should approach MTN, Airtel, and the commercial banks that have a database of biometrics of Nigerians. Sighs.
SMH.
Anyways….
No country develops without accurate demographic and socio-cultural information.

For accountability, effective policy, national planning, decision making purposes, and equitable distribution of resources and fair representation of regions at the National Assembly, it is imperative that w get our national figures right.
It’s high time that we put an end to the culture of basing national planning and budgeting on fictional figures.
The lies that have characterized our nationhood have been sustained for far too long.
Enough is Enough!
For the next census exercise – and for the sustenance of our unity, it must be biometrics capturing or NOTHING! – @EccentricRowland

Isokun, Osun Nigeria.

Isokun

Isokun Osun State, Nigeria.

#JujuFilms

Nigeria

While we sit and watch the ongoing attempt to conquer territories in the Niger-Delta – notably Bayelsa and River State – recollect this famous quote:
“The new nation called Nigeria should be an Estate of our great grandfather Uthman Dan Fodio. We must ruthlessly prevent a change of power. We use the Minorities in the North as willing tools and the south as a conquered territory and never allow them to rule over us and never allow them to have control over their future”.
— Sir Ahmadu Bello, the Sardauna of Sokoto ( The Parrot Newspaper, 12 October, 1960)

@EccentricRowland

Things They Write on Walls

While I was in Benin-City, I could have sworn that “This House Is Not For Sale” is the name of a particular street there. – @EccentricRowland
#ThingsTheyWriteOnWalls

Last night, I learnt one thing

I learnt never to reveal to my girlfriend any embarrassing experience I’ve had in the past. Else, she will use the story to taunt me to no end.

Anyway, this is the story I told her.
Back in my secondary school days, I once skipped dorm to visit my girlfriend at the time. She was based in Abuja.

I boarded a “night bus” at Jibowu en route Abuja. If my memory serves me right, it was ABC Transport line. I think.
Anyway, the bus departed from Lagos at about 9pm.

And, so began the fateful trip.
The luxury bus was not full. So, empty seats abound.

Interestingly, a massively endowed chic came and sat in the empty seat beside mine. Her boobs were half way out of her revealing dress. Her bra could hardly hold the pair in place.

She made an interesting company. We discussed on a range of topics – from music to movies to relationships.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I woke up from a deep slumber at about 11am the following morning.
I woke up sprawled on one of the benches in the departure lounge of ABC park in Abuja.

My wallet was nowhere to be found. My designer Nike trainers had developed wings. My Swatch wristwatch – a big deal at the time – was gone.

The bag which contained the gift pack intended for my girlfriend also made a disappearance.
My companion, the big-breasted chic, was nowhere to be found!
Simply, I was stranded in an unfamiliar territory.

Anyway, the staff of ABC Transport line were very kind. They contributed for me some amount of cash. It was sufficient to take me to my girlfriend’s location.

One of the boys loading luggage into the buses was also magnanimous enough to part with his bathroom slippers.
It was an experience to be remembered.

However, the experience taught me very salient lessons. One of which I still adhere to till this very day. And that lesson is that:
It’s not all nipple of any boob you encounter that you suck.
Some nipples are coated with very potent sleeping drugs! – @EccentricRowland 

33 Ways to Break Up With Your Lover…LMFAO!

Are you fed up with your lover? 
Is your relationship choking you and you’re dying to get out? 
Are you short on creative ideas on how to terminate your relationship with your lover and still be able to remain good friends? 
Do you feel like your relationship isn’t just working and that it is definitely heading nowhere? 
Do you need ideas on how to minimize the pain of heart-break your lover will be subjected to when you inform him/her that you’re no more interested? 
Do you need ideas on how to make your lover take the initiative of opting out of the relationship and make you appear like the jilted party? 
If YES to the aforementioned question then you are in for luck because I have painstakingly highlighted some time-tested and proven strategy that will effectively aid your breakup with your lover – and maybe, with some luck, you and your lover could still be “just friends”. 
So, sit back, relax and get some education. 
33 Ways to Break Up With Your Lover!

By The Eccentric Rowland. 
Breakup with your lover in a public place – preferably in a restaurant. This way, they won’t be able to create so much scenes. If it’s in a restaurant, when making reservations, ensure to ask if there is a back door – just in case you need to make a fast getaway. P.S: Fellas, this particular method is not usually recommended if you are breaking up with a Benin or Warri chic! 
Change your diet drastically. Eat lots of garlic and beans. Most importantly – always ensure to demand for a kiss after a meal of garlic. 
For The Ladies: If your lover appears unwilling to make a more permanent commitment, try leaving several bridal magazines around your home. Tell him you can’t wait to have his baby. This will surely provide him all the inspiration he needs for a fast getaway.

Suggest to your lover that you would love to have sex with his/her best friend. Or his/her boss….or his/her dog!

Constantly share stories with your lover about the terrifying types of mental illness that runs in your family. Suggest to your lover to escort you to see your Aunty Bimpe – who has taken up permanent residence at the local psychiatric home.

For The Ladies: Tell your lover that you have headache or back pain each and every time he requests for sex. Trust me; you’d be single soon enough.

Endlessly talk to your lover about your previous lovers – and remember to announce their good qualities. Wonder aloud what they might be doing.

Arrange to have someone call you in the middle of the night. Have your lover answer, and instruct the caller to hang-up when he/she picks up. Do this repeatedly, until breakup occurs (usually from one to two weeks).

For The Working Class Ladies: Explain to your lover that you intend to quit your job as soon as you get married, and that you expect your spouse to fully support you and your six (6) siblings…and of course, your unborn 12 kids!

Convince your lover that you are gay, and that your relationship with him/her is a failing attempt to go straight.

The beach is also a great place to breakup with someone. That way, if your lover begins to cry, the sound of the ebbing ocean or the crashing surf will muffle most of their sobs. And, if you never want to see your lover again – you can fake your own drowning.

Call your lover wrong names on a regular basis. If you use the name of a previous lover, so much better. It works best if you say it in the heat of passion or during sex.

For The Ladies: Complain ceaselessly about his performance in bed. Ask your lover if he was better in bed when they were younger, or if he has always been this way. This will surely give his self-esteem some bashing.

Explain to your lover that you have “seen the light” and have thus adopted a new religion. For maximum effect, suggest an extreme religion, such as Hare Krishna, Olumba Olumba, Buddhism, Olokun Worship, Satan worship, etc.

Flirt with waiters, waitresses, parcel delivery guy, NEPA officials, bus conductors and just about anyone else you come in contact with when you are with your lover.

For The Guys: Stop wearing deodorant, even when you are planning to visit the gym. Schedule all your dates with her immediately after your time at the gym.

For The Guys: Tell your lover that you are planning to move back with your parents for a while to save money.

If you are opportune to visit his/her parent at their home – light up a stick of cigarette while having a discussion with them. P.S: A wrap of “weed” guarantees a faster result.

Change the lock on your door and your phone number.

For the guy: Keep a gun and ammunition in a place in your apartment where she is sure to discover it – especially when she is doing the domestic clean up. If she confronts you for an explanation, harshly ask her how she thinks the money you spend on her comes from.

For The Guys: Start chewing tobacco. Spit the tobacco on the floor indiscriminately whenever she is around.

Suggest to your lover that you would like to try a ménage a trios (threesome) that will involve his/her best friend. If he/she thinks this is a great idea, then he/she has just given you a good reason to use for a breakup.

For The Guys: Whenever your lover comes to spend the weekend with you at your apartment, don’t shower throughout the weekend until Monday morning.

Find out your partners genotype. If he/she is AS, tell him/her that you guys are genotypic incompatibles, because you are also AS – even if this not true. Then suggest that it would be wise to end the relationship in order not to breed sickle-celled offspring.

For The Ladies: Tell him you don’t love him anymore because he’s losing his hair or developing a potbelly or body odour. P.S: Be sure you really want to break up before trying this one; it’s not an easy thing to forgive.

For The Guys: Get your siblings to move in with you. Let one of your siblings share your bedroom with you and instruct one of your sisters to strictly take charge of the kitchen.

Subscribe to several disgusting pornographic magazine or deliberately get caught peeping at some porn websites. Leave the magazine lying around in plain view around your bed, and stare at them when you are making love. P.S: Be careful though, because when your partner is gone, you might start flipping through them on the nights when you are all alone.

Have a friend call you when your lover is visiting and take your call in another room. Act a little guilty, speak in a whisper, and tell your friend that you’ll have to call back later because your mother is there.

For The Ladies: Buy a giant vibrator and leave it on top of the TV, where he is certain to see it while searching for the ever elusive remote control. When confronted for an explanation, tell him how sexually inadequate he has been and how you’ve been enjoying sex with “Timmy” –the vibrator.

For The Ladies: Gain a lot of weight and lie around the house in your oldest dirtiest underwear (for some ladies, this is pretty normal). Explain to your lover how nice it is now that you no longer need to impress him.

For The Guys: Leave a large local clay pot at a location in your apartment where she is bound to discover it while she is cleaning up your apartment. The content of the pot should include a skull sprayed with some ketchup, coloured candles tied together with red and white ribbons, a bottle of local gin, some cowries, kola nuts, etc. Trust me; you’d be single again by the time you return home.

Tell your lover that you keep having nightmares and that in your nightmares; you keep seeing his/her mother trying to strangle you. End up by telling him/her that you suspect that his/her mum is a witch. You will be single again faster than you know – but, often, not without a black eye. – @EccentricRowland 

Watermelon street hawker in Isokun, Osun, Nigeria. #JujuFilms

Watermelon street hawker in Isokun, Osun State, Nigeria. #JujuFilms

Watermelon street hawker in Isokun, Osun State, Nigeria. #JujuFilms

The Edos 

The Edo people, specifically the Binis, are a very good example of a host cohabiting peacefully with other migrant ethnic groups. 
And the beauty of it all? 
They don’t go about making a biggy out of their hospitality. 
Neither does their Oba threaten to drown anyone. -@EccentricRowland
#ObaGhaToKpere